Sort-Of Sex? Dry Humping & Non-Penetrative Relations

So you're interested in sex, but worried about getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant or maybe you are inexperienced and feeling awkward. ...what do you do?

Good news! There's always dry humping and other forms of non-penetrative sex. 

This is especially useful when you're a teen and you're either not allowed to have sex (hey, it happens), you're nervous about getting caught, or you're just anxious. 

Ms. Luka! I've got questions! What is dry humping and can you actually have sex without having sex?

Great questions, adorable and imaginary student! Let's get started.

Dry humping is act of touching and rubbing up on one another with clothes on and without penetration. Groping, kissing/making out, love bites, etc. These are all forms of sexual acts without having sex. Dry humping will not get anyone pregnant because there's no actual penetration involved. Should a male partner ejaculate in his pants during dry humping and it happens to rub against your nethers, be not afraid! Unless he just let go a gallon of semen and he's right up in there, then you should be just fine.

Just because there's dry humping and non-penetrative sex doesn't mean that you can't touch each other and get a little hot and heavy. Here are some ways of having some fun without getting too serious:

Rubbing/Scissoring - These are the acts of rubbing penises together (penis cuddles!) or swordplaying, and rubbing vaginas together (vajay cuddles!).

Mutual masturbation - If you know what masturbation is, you'll get an idea of what mutual masturbation is. Sexually stimulating your partner while they also stimulate you is mutual masturbation. This includes fingering, hand jobs, anal play, etc. 

Breast stimulation - Playing with the breasts and nipples can be fun. Jumbling them around, experiment with boob jobs, or even sweet kisses and bites can be sexy and creative.

Oral sex - If you've read at least some of this blog, we've mentioned oral sex. Going down on your partner doesn't always have to lead to sexual intercourse and it helps relieve tension. It also means you can try some fun tongue tricks and play with food, too!

If you had friends like I did in high school, they'll likely pretend to do these things on a daily basis in the halls or in the classroom before classes start. Nothing serious, just good ol' fashioned rubbing. Well, that's how it was with most of the guys. The gals weren't always quite that silly. 


Please leave any comments if you have questions or would like me to add stuff to my blogs. Also, for the first time ever, you can follow me on Twitter! I'd love to hear from you. I just made a Twitter account after much procrastination and angst. Here's the link if you're interested!

https://twitter.com/Luka_Thalius

<3 Luka

Update!

Brief update here! I finished college for this semester, but I got more hours because some folks I work with had things to do. I've also been a little lazy, and I got new art software, and I'm working on a gaming channel for Youtube.

So yeah, sorry guys. I'm looking for more material for the bloggings, but I'll come up with something if nobody helps out :P

I might write about the mysterious G-Spot on the ladies, or male masturbation, or something like that. Touch yourself, just go for it! :D

See you soon!
Luka

Get Your Geek On! - Convention Safety

Dude, conventions are fun! Especially the ones geeks and gamers have. But there are people at cons who are looking to have too much fun, and there might even be people who could make others feel uncomfortable. How do we deal with that? Also, how do we deal with sexuality at cons? Here's some basic information on convention policies and how to be safe.

My partner and I went to PAX East last weekend and we had a blast! I felt very blessed to be completely comfortable (emotionally. Physically, it was a 20,000 people sauna of sweat and testosterone in there) in my surroundings. Sexually, my partner and I weren't doing anything because we were being respectful of his family which we were sharing a room with. You just don't do that to family...

I looked online at some policies because I wanted to know what would happen if someone felt unsafe at a convention. Here are a few examples:

PAX East

"If at any point you feel unsafe at PAX or that any of the rules have been broken, we ask that you inform an Enforcer or member of PAX staff immediately. Your safety is our primary concern, and if you feel that safety has been compromised, we will do everything in our power to rectify the issue. Issues of violence and harassment are addressed immediately, with guarded “Safe Areas” being designated in case any incidents do arise."

"Any form of harassment, whether that’s based on gender, race, sexual orientation, disability, physical appearance, or religion, will not be tolerated at PAX. If you are caught or reported to have harassed anyone at PAX, you will go through our reporting process and face remediation steps."

"PAX has a strict ‘no booth babe’ policy with the purpose of creating an environment where everyone can feel comfortable and welcome, and the focus is on games, not hired booth staff. Booth babes are defined as staff of ANY gender used by exhibitors to promote their products at PAX by using overtly sexual or suggestive methods. Partial nudity, the aggressive display of cleavage and the navel, and shorts/skirts higher than 4” above the knee are not allowed. If for any reason an exhibit and/or its contents are deemed objectionable to PAX management, the exhibitor will be asked to alter the attire of its staff."http://east.paxsite.com/safety-and-security

San Diego Comic Con

"Attendees must respect common sense rules for public behavior, personal interaction, common courtesy, and respect for private property. Harassing or offensive behavior will not be tolerated. Comic-Con reserves the right to revoke, without refund, the membership and badge of any attendee not in compliance with this policy. Persons finding themselves in a situation where they feel their safety is at risk or who become aware of an attendee not in compliance with this policy should immediately locate a member of security, or a staff member, so that the matter can be handled in an expeditious manner."
http://www.comic-con.org/cci/convention-policies

Anime Boston
Unsolicited physical contact is part of their prohibited contact policy and will be dealt with according to their "Reprecussions and Violations" policies depending on the severity of the action.
(There wasn't much on this topic, so I didn't add the link because I didn't have any legit blurbs)

With these in mind, how could one keep themselves safe at a convention sexually and personally?

I went to a panel on gender inequality in video gaming where one of the panelists mentioned that a cosplayer for her video game was approached by an attendee and he asked if he could grab her ass because he liked her costume. I would say this is a huge no! But it brings me to my first topic:

1. Be Aware of Your Surroundings and Your Cosplay
If you're feeling uncomfortable right off the bat with your cosplay and others making gestures or comments towards you, I think it's time to change. I suggest bringing a small bag with extra clothes in it so you can change at any time. Likewise, be aware that your cosplay may entice others to make passes at you, grab you, make comments, etc.

Personally, I wish I had thought about this. I dressed up as Kaylee from Firefly and my coveralls were too tight. Wedgies galore...

2. No Means No
If someone asks an inappropriate question, make sure they know the answer if you're not into that. Some folks think that when they're in cosplay that they are that character. I know a few people who dressed up as characters from Hetalia and they're engaged. One of them was groped by another Hetalia cosplayer because those characters are often shipped together. Also, please ask others if you can have hugs and get pictures taken.

My partner and I got to meet our favorite Youtuber, Markiplier. One question that I was asked by a friend was "DID YOU TOUCH HIS BUTT?!" My first reaction was no, but I should have. Realistically, I probably would have asked to touch considering he might have said yes and grabbing might freak him out or something. I want to be polite, not get kicked out of PAX.

3. Consider a Group

By that, I mean tag along with a group of people! If you're 18 and younger, it's a good idea to go with friends or family. At least there's someone there to help if you feel unsafe. If you're 18+, still consider traveling with a group in case there's a problem. Make sure to get contact information so you could meet up if someone is lost.

4. Know Your Exits, Ride, and Stay-Over Location
Be sure you know where your convention location is and to arrive on time to get inside and without trouble. You never know, these things happen. Also, give yourself enough time to get your things together. You're going to want a water bottle or another water-storage device, a pen for autographs and stuff, money for merchandise and prostitutes (not really), protection in case there will be some sexy times (you never know), and food.
You should know where your ride will be (if you're getting driven by a friend, walking, taking a bus, etc), and how you're getting to where you're staying for the night.

5. Consult Security
Please feel free to talk to security if there are any safety concerns you have during your time. They're pretty friendly folks and I'm sure they wouldn't mind to help.


This was just a brief overview of what you should do for a convention. I hope it helped! I'll be posting more in the near future during summer vacation :)

Trans* Health (I don't have anything witty for this)

I've got a lot of friends and loved ones who identify as trans* and I think it's important to include how to be healthy as a trans* individual. Note that I am not trans* identified (more gender non-conforming), I am an ally who wants to help give others info. If you would like for me to add more about this topic, please indicate in the comments below!

Let's begin with the terminology: trans*
I use the asterisk because I believe that trans doesn't always mean transgender, it's a transitioning point for people who don't agree with their gender assigned at birth, and it's an ever-changing point for some. It could mean that this person uses gender non-conforming pronouns, or the pronouns of their opposite gender (i.e. if they were born female, they may choose to use male pronouns), they could wear the clothing that makes them feel like themselves and identify as trans*, they could prefer to be called a transsexual, or they could be someone who says they identify as (insert pronoun here), and they have a trans history. Because I couldn't possibly know everyone's story, I use an asterisk. It's sort of a "DIY Fill in the Blank". Onward!

If you want more information, then follow this link:

Yes, I went there. Now seriously, follow this link -

http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=protocol-terminology

As one might imagine, there are multiple health concerns that trans* folks deal with during their transition. Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. The biggest thing to do is to respect that person's preferred gender pronouns and not to ask about their previous identity (who they were born as), as that can be offensive. I'm sure those of you who identify as cisgender (a fancy word that means you use the gender pronouns that match with your identity at birth. Ex: Male at birth = he, him, his) that you have questions and curiosities, which would be normal, I think. However, I'd suggest going to an official website for that information as to how transitioning works or visit a Trans* convention or conference that offers workshops for you to attend.

I myself have been to the Transcending Boundaries conference in Mass that has offered lots of amazing workshops and panels, and I got to meet Kate Bornstein! I'd suggest looking up the nearest GLBTQ or Trans* conference in your area and checking it out.

There are problems concerning trans* people and HIV which still exist. The sex hormones needed for transition (estrogen and testosterone) can be taken via pill, skin patch, and injection. The injection part is what is the concern as far as HIV is considered. If one doesn't use clean needles, HIV can easily be contracted. Reuse of needles also pose health concerns, but we'll get to that in another post.

Some issues that occur during transition include:
Fears of finding a partner
Family and friend relationships
Work relationships
Violence and prejudice
Experiencing surgeries and changes
Changing legal documents.

After transition:
Varying levels of satisfaction with appearance and surgeries
Unaddressed emotional issues
Disappointment.

Overall concerns:
Finding health professionals that will be understanding
People not using preferred pronouns
Suicidal thoughts
Depression & anxiety

As far as physical health, I could not find very many things that were up-to-date and accurate for trans* individuals. I did find a link on what to talk about with your health care provider as a trans* person. Here it is, as well as some information from Fenway Health on Trans* Awareness Week.

http://www.glma.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Page.viewPage&pageID=692

http://fenwayfocus.org/2013/11/transwk-transgender-awareness-week-2013/

Sorry, folks. When I find more information, this will be updated! Please, please feel free to add comments below if there are any mistakes or if there's something I missed. Take care!

- Luka T.

I'll be Watching You: Stalking, Harassment, and General Discomfort pt. 1

This might be a 2-part segment...

A friend of mine was recently harassed by a person who works in the same store as her. They usually don't work together, but they occasionally see each other and joke around. Sometimes it's play-flirting, and it's with more than just this guy. Everyone was under the assumption that it was just fun, nothing serious (as she has a partner, who is also another friend of mine). I won't get into details since I was confided in and I think that's pretty rude, but the actions this man made were definitely uncalled for and violating of her trust, let alone her acquaintanceship.
 
What would you do in this situation?

Personally, if he had done this to me, I would have removed myself from the area and made it clear that he would never speak to me or come near me again. Maybe that's harsh, but it's better than getting hurt in the future. I would follow it up by talking to management about it, just to let them know that this was serious and they need to be aware that it could also happen to someone else. 

So, what's harassment?
Harassment is an umbrella term of all different behaviors that are considered offensive in nature. It could be used to scare, upset, or disturb the victim and may also be repetitive. Sexual harassment is an unwanted sexual advance that usually happens in the workplace.

What happened to my friend was sexual harassment, even though I won't tell you what the man did. My boss at work has sexually harassed people before, too. See my other blog for details.

How do the victims feel?
In my friend's case, she felt that she was responsible and didn't want the man to get in trouble or fired because he "needed his job". This isn't uncommon, of course. Guilt is one of many responses to sexual harassment. Others include:

• Anxiety 
• Depression, 
• Shame, 
• Frustration, 
• Loss of confidence/self-esteem, 
• Isolation, 
• Feeling powerless, 
• Being objectified, 
• Changing lifestyle, 
• Serious amounts of stress, 
• Feeling/being scrutinized and judged, 
• Sometimes retaliation from the harasser.

How can I help?
A great place to begin is by talking with the person who has been harassed (if it's not you) or seeking help from a friend/therapist (if it is you).

If you're on the supporting end, whoever you are, consider some of the following material:

Don't minimize the person's experience. They're really going through some shit right now, the last thing they need is someone telling them that is wasn't that bad, it could have been worse. Listen to them, it was real and it was scary. Don't make excuses for the harasser, either. Some people who don't like conflict or hearing about conflict usually try to make excuses so that they don't have to listen. "Guys will be guys" some say, and that should make everything better, right? Bullshit! What they did was wrong, hands down. Personally, these aren't the friends you should turn to, but any port in a storm...

For those really supportive friends, you'll have the feeling of anger and want to find the person who did this and make them pay, right? Well, don't. I know the feeling. My sister was physically hurt by her partner once, and I was the biggest rage-monster I could think of. Violence never solved what other violence caused. The smart thing to do is stick by your friend and find them help. Don't be afraid to call them out on their crap, too! If you think they're making up excuses and putting themselves down, call them out. Tell them the truth, but be gentle. Pressure only makes it worse. If you think they're really in the dumps and absolutely need support, don't be afraid to take the step and get them the help they need. 

Maybe you should also check in with yourself. Do you use offensive language when describing people? If so, try keeping that in check. Don't beat yourself up, but try curbing language that is considered offensive or triggering. It's not good for the victim and it only makes others feel dehumanized and encourages negative thoughts. Same goes for people you know, make sure they understand how harmful it can be.

As for you, keep in mind that you're only one person! Burn-out happens to us all when we're invested in a cause or have a lot going on. Step back, deal with yourself, take deep breaths, and make sure you're okay.



What can I do to prevent sexual harassment?

If you feel you or someone you know is being sexually harassed, here are some things you could do to work towards ending it.

• Clearly indicate that this behavior is not wanted and will not be tolerated; say "no"
• Inform the harasser of what they've done and that actions will be taken if it does not end.
• Keep documentation, even if it's a journal entry or a picture. Record any time that you have met with the harasser, what you've discussed, and especially if there have been negative conversations. 
• Any and all meeting you've had with your employer about the harassments.
• Any retaliations made by your harasser.

Your next steps would be to file a complaint with your supervisor, your employer, and/or an official organization that deals with these matters or the police (I'd go with the cops to be safe).

Letting it go doesn't help. Pretending that this never happened doesn't help. If you don't end it now and make it so that you're safer where you are, you're not going to be at peace and you're going to be scared every time you go to work. I'd highly suggest making a move while you have the ability to, and telling your managers. If that doesn't work, go over their heads. It's YOUR safety, not theirs.

In conclusion, please be careful. You're your own person, but the world isn't the friendliest of places. Be safe, know your surroundings and the people you work with. If you're suspicious, listen to what your gut tells you. Let someone know that you're nervous or worried. Fear drives people who commit acts such as rape, so informing someone means you're being that much more careful.




Special thanks to the following websites with help on some of the information here!

http://www.aauw.org/what-we-do/legal-resources/know-your-rights-at-work/workplace-sexual-harassment/#strategies

http://www.northwestern.edu/womenscenter/issues-information/sexual-harassment/effects-sexual-harassment.html

Also, here's another blog with a bit about sexual harassment in the workplace. I recommend it!
http://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/2012/09/sexual-harassment-at-work-borderline-personality-disorder-ptsd.html



All images here were found through Google Images. I do not own the rights to any of the images on this blog.

Allowing the Awkward – Guaranteed Weird Sexy Times or Your Money Back!

I lied about the “money back” thing.

Everyone who has had some sexual experiences, including masturbation, has also had some moments where things didn't go “as planned” and there was a moment of awkwardness. Maybe one of your family members walked in on you and you “fear-gasmed”, one of you pooted during sex, someone drooled on their partner accidentally, the bed fell apart, etc.

These moments are there, whether or not we fully acknowledge them.

Let's settle one thing right now: sex will never really be the way you're expecting it to. It's not always the “thrilling” experience that the media makes it out to be, especially for virgins. Television has always made sex out to be the most amazing occurrence that will ever happen to you. This may or may not be the case for you, but it usually isn't for a majority of society. In fact, the idea of sex could have even been ruined for you due to past trauma or general disassociation.

My mother taught me all I really needed to know about sex at a young age. It was never taboo, it was never a secret. Her policy was this: if I don't tell them now, they'll try to find out on their own. Ideally, you wouldn't want your daughter to go figure out what sex was by someone else, or to learn about it by having it either non-consensually or unprotected (or both!). Sure, there were some moments during my childhood where I thought I had learned too much about sex from my mom, but it all helped in the end. She didn't cover masturbation that much, but I found that out on my own (insert saucy French laughing here).

Now, how do you allow the awkwardness in sex?

I figure that we're all imperfect (don't give me any of your sass, narcissists!) and we're all humans to some extent. There may or may not be at least some werewolves out there. And if sex isn't perfect either, then you've got nothing to worry about! Plus, some of the moments where you really let your guard down and just let things happen often show your partner more about you. Okay, so you accidentally pooted. Sure, it's weird and uncomfortable, but try laughing it off. It was a silly little thing, not the end of the world.

In some instances, the mistakes can be cute and fun. Sneezing might be one of those examples. Coughing up a lung, not so much. Oh yeah, try not to have sex while sick! It may be sexy for your partner to have a growly, raspy voice but not if it's because of the flu. Plus, it usually leads to one person gasping for air during wheezes. Could be a turn on for you, but that's not my cup of beverage.

You could always just let it go and laugh about it afterward. If you said something crazy during sex and you realized it after, have a good laugh. You said you were a motherfucking astronaut while getting your groove on. Shake it off.

If your partner has a good sense of humor, they'll probably laugh with you.

I honestly don't know what to tell you if you have a high-strung partner, however. Maybe you should consider a more crazy approach. Turn it into something sexy! Weird can also be sexy (that's basically how I sum up my significant other).

Now, what did we learn today?

• Sex won't always be the glorified moment of your life, as the media represents.
• Having a good sense of humor will help you to shake off the weirdness, or talk about it after.
• Don't have sex when you've got an ailment.
• You can turn awkward moments into sexy moments, too.
• Luka has a mom who openly talks about sex.

V-Day Wishes/Attack on Homework!

Happiest of belated Cupid-Target-Practice Days to you all! Sorry about the lack of blog postings. I have been a little swamped with both homework and work in general. Due to me working on Valentine's Day (and there being a significant rush), I didn't have the energy to commit to blogging afterward. Nobody likes a sad blog, or a sad blogger.

I do hope that you had a lovely Free-Chocolate Day, if you celebrated it, otherwise known as “Singles Awareness Day”

Mine was okay. Like I said, I worked for about 6 hours around 1pm when everyone wanted their seafood orders right away before dinner time. After work, I went home and enjoyed a few drinks (my favorite mixed drink called a Dark & Stormy) with my neighbor, watched youtube videos and some Netflix, and waited for my partner to pick me up after he was done with work. Since he doesn't celebrate Valentine' Day, we didn't do anything. I, however, do acknowledge this day so I bought him a red rose and some of his favorite soda. Yeah, there wasn't a lot of reciprocation, but I'm sure there will be other times for us to observe our fondness of each other.

In any case, please take a look at this week's new blog about allowing awkwardness in sexual situations (suggested to me by some of my friends on le Facebook!).