Saturday, February 15, 2014

Allowing the Awkward – Guaranteed Weird Sexy Times or Your Money Back!

I lied about the “money back” thing.

Everyone who has had some sexual experiences, including masturbation, has also had some moments where things didn't go “as planned” and there was a moment of awkwardness. Maybe one of your family members walked in on you and you “fear-gasmed”, one of you pooted during sex, someone drooled on their partner accidentally, the bed fell apart, etc.
These moments are there, whether or not we fully acknowledge them.

Let's settle one thing right now: sex will never really be the way you're expecting it to. It's not always the “thrilling” experience that the media makes it out to be, especially for virgins. Television has always made sex out to be the most amazing occurrence that will ever happen to you. This may or may not be the case for you, but it usually isn't for a majority of society. In fact, the idea of sex could have even been ruined for you due to past trauma or general disassociation.

My mother taught me all I really needed to know about sex at a young age. It was never taboo, it was never a secret. Her policy was this: if I don't tell them now, they'll try to find out on their own. Ideally, you wouldn't want your daughter to go figure out what sex was by someone else, or to learn about it by having it either non-consensually or unprotected (or both!). Sure, there were some moments during my childhood where I thought I had learned too much about sex from my mom, but it all helped in the end. She didn't cover masturbation that much, but I found that out on my own (insert saucy French laughing here).

Now, how do you allow the awkwardness in sex?
I figure that we're all imperfect (don't give me any of your sass, narcissists!) and we're all humans to some extent. There may or may not be at least some werewolves out there. And if sex isn't perfect either, then you've got nothing to worry about! Plus, some of the moments where you really let your guard down and just let things happen often show your partner more about you. Okay, so you accidentally pooted. Sure, it's weird and uncomfortable, but try laughing it off. It was a silly little thing, not the end of the world.

In some instances, the mistakes can be cute and fun. Sneezing might be one of those examples. Coughing up a lung, not so much. Oh yeah, try not to have sex while sick! It may be sexy for your partner to have a growly, raspy voice but not if it's because of the flu. Plus, it usually leads to one person gasping for air during wheezes. Could be a turn on for you, but that's not my cup of beverage.

You could always just let it go and laugh about it afterward. If you said something crazy during sex and you realized it after, have a good laugh. You said you were a motherfucking astronaut while getting your groove on. Shake it off.
If your partner has a good sense of humor, they'll probably laugh with you.

I honestly don't know what to tell you if you have a high-strung partner, however. Maybe you should consider a more crazy approach. Turn it into something sexy! Weird can also be sexy (that's basically how I sum up my significant other).

Now, what did we learn today?
  • Sex won't always be the glorified moment of your life, as the media represents.
  • Having a good sense of humor will help you to shake off the weirdness, or talk about it after.
  • Don't have sex when you've got an ailment.
  • You can turn awkward moments into sexy moments, too.
  • Luka has a mom who openly talks about sex.

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