I
lied about the “money back” thing.
Everyone
who has had some sexual experiences, including masturbation, has also
had some moments where things didn't go “as planned” and there
was a moment of awkwardness. Maybe one of your family members walked
in on you and you “fear-gasmed”, one of you pooted during sex,
someone drooled on their partner accidentally, the bed fell apart,
etc.
These
moments are there, whether or not we fully acknowledge them.
Let's
settle one thing right now: sex will never really be the way you're
expecting it to. It's not always the “thrilling” experience that
the media makes it out to be, especially for virgins. Television has
always made sex out to be the most amazing occurrence that will ever
happen to you. This may or may not be the case for you, but it
usually isn't for a majority of society. In fact, the idea of sex
could have even been ruined for you due to past trauma or general
disassociation.
My
mother taught me all I really needed to know about sex at a young
age. It was never taboo, it was never a secret. Her policy was this:
if I don't tell them now, they'll try to find out on their own.
Ideally, you wouldn't want your daughter to go figure out what sex
was by someone else, or to learn about it by having it either
non-consensually or unprotected (or both!). Sure, there were some
moments during my childhood where I thought I had learned too much
about sex from my mom, but it all helped in the end. She didn't cover
masturbation that much, but I found that out on my own (insert saucy
French laughing here).
Now,
how do you allow the awkwardness in sex?
I
figure that we're all imperfect (don't give me any of your sass,
narcissists!) and we're all humans to some extent. There may or may
not be at least some werewolves out there. And if sex isn't perfect
either, then you've got nothing to worry about! Plus, some of the
moments where you really let your guard down and just let things
happen often show your partner more about you. Okay, so you
accidentally pooted. Sure, it's weird and uncomfortable, but try
laughing it off. It was a silly little thing, not the end of the
world.
In
some instances, the mistakes can be cute and fun. Sneezing might be
one of those examples. Coughing up a lung, not so much. Oh yeah, try
not to have sex while sick! It may be sexy for your partner to have a
growly, raspy voice but not if it's because of the flu. Plus, it
usually leads to one person gasping for air during wheezes. Could be
a turn on for you, but that's not my cup of beverage.
You
could always just let it go and laugh about it afterward. If you said
something crazy during sex and you realized it after, have a good
laugh. You said you were a motherfucking astronaut while getting your
groove on. Shake it off.
If
your partner has a good sense of humor, they'll probably laugh with
you.
I
honestly don't know what to tell you if you have a high-strung
partner, however. Maybe you should consider a more crazy approach.
Turn it into something sexy! Weird can also be sexy (that's basically
how I sum up my significant other).
Now,
what did we learn today?
- Sex won't always be the glorified moment of your life, as the media represents.
- Having a good sense of humor will help you to shake off the weirdness, or talk about it after.
- Don't have sex when you've got an ailment.
- You can turn awkward moments into sexy moments, too.
- Luka has a mom who openly talks about sex.
