Sunday, November 3, 2013

How Do I Put This In?! - Internal Condom Advice

Internal/Female condoms. Probably the most overlooked of all birth controls. It's a little too big to fit in a wallet or pocket discreetly, but it's still a good option if you're in the mood and have nothing else. If it's this or an empty Cheetos bag, please, PLEASE go with this.

Why say "internal" instead of "female" condom? They're not only used by females and for females. These can be used for anal sex, as well. It's always nice to include everyone.

Internal condoms look very different from external ones. To me, they kind of look like a sock without the toe portions. To those of you who may have an allergy to latex, no worries! These are 100% polyurethane.
See what I mean?

The way these condoms work is that they go inside the vagina or anus. They can be inserted 8 hours before sexual activities happen, and you can still use the restroom while wearing them. Sounds messy, but it works! The ring helps push the condom into the vagina or anus, and can be removed, and even used as a cock ring! The top part of the condom (where the penis/other object will be inserted) folds over the outside of the vagina/anus for easy access when it needs to be removed later. This is especially helpful with the anus. As a sex toy expert once said in a workshop I attended "Your anus likes to take things and never give them back" So take my advice, keep the folds on the outside. You don't want to go diggin' around...

That's what it looks like when it goes into a vagina. It's basically the same with an anus, but you'll want to use a lot of lube for it.


Step 1: Check the expiration date! This will be found on the side between the folds, and will be the second set of numbers.

Step 2: Push the condom to the side of the package and open by tearing where the arrow is. Please refrain from using scissors or teeth.

Step 3: Open it up. It probably looks a little complicated, huh? No worries, keep reading.

Step 4: The ring inside is made of a soft and flexible plastic. Pinch the ring lengthwise with the condom like you would hold a pencil, and push it into the vagina to the cervix. Ideally, you'll feel the ring settle in place near your cervix. If you don't, then it may not be in right and you may consider trying again. The anus will be different, and the ring does not need to be used, but can be for insertion.

Step 5: Allow the top of the condom to hang outside of the vagina/anus not only for easy access, as I mentioned before, but also to prevent skin-to-skin transmission of any diseases such as genital warts, herpes, and HPV (Human Papillomavirus).

Step 6: Be sure that during your sexual activities that the penis/toy/object goes into the condom and not to the side. This can happen sometimes, even if it seems like it's a pretty easy target to hit. Not as easy if it's dark, you're drunk, or you're in a rush.

Okay, now that I've given you this info, get to it!

All set? Cool! I hope you had fun. Now let's talk about getting that condom out. It's a little method called the "Twist and Pull" Simple, easy to remember. It's kind of like that Beatles song "Twist and Shout", but hopefully there will be no shouting. If you remember this method to that tune, you should be all set. 

First, twist the condom to trap and fluids that have gathered.

Second, pull it out of the vagina/anus.

Lastly, throw it away in the trash, not the toilet! You want to dispose of the evidence, not allow it to back up the whole system. 

If for any reason you're doing yo' thang in a car or other fun places (I don't judge! You've gotta get creative sometimes. Not all relationships are the same or are as accommodating when it comes to sex), please be kind and wrap up the condom in a napkin or something like that. You can throw it away later, and you won't be littering. You also have a small chance of it getting stuck to the side of the car. Nothing says "we're open with our sex life" than a sticky, plastic sock-like package flapping in the wind as you drive down the road, your embarrassing new car decal frightening the elderly, pissing off your folks, and startling fellow shoppers should you decide to pick up groceries afterwards. Keep that one in your head, you'll need it :)

Thank you very much for reading, please feel free to ask question and leave comments. If there's anything you want to see, let me know and I'll put it on my list.

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