Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey - Totally Not BDSM

Yes, I'm sure you knew that I was going to make this blog post eventually. But it needs to be done! 
The contrasts between actual BDSM /S&M relationships and what is depicted in Fifty Shades of Grey should be made by someone who would rather inform others of what actual kinky relationships like these are about, not some Twilight fan fiction with bondage and undertones of abuse. 



I take books and sexual lifestyles seriously, so sit down. 

What is BDSM?
- It is made up of a few pairs of words. Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. 
- Has the motto of being safe, sane, and consensual.
- Involves different protocol, etiquette, and behaviors based on the sub/dom relationship.
- Often has a "safe word" in case someone is feeling uncomfortable.
- Can lead to happy and more confident lifestyles.

In some instances, the dom controls the sub with protocols. If it's high protocol, the sub is doing everything for their dom to please them and staying by their side. Medium protocol is a step down, perhaps involving just listening to their dom. 

This doesn't mean that there isn't abuse in some BDSM relationships. Sometimes submissives don't know what kind of person their dominant is. This is why we connect with others and share experiences. 

What BDSM is not
- A right to abuse/injure another person. 
- It's not always caused by an abusive childhood or other trauma, as mentioned in FSaG.
- About the sub being "weak"
- All about flogging, humiliation, pain, and discipline all the time. You're still humans and you need time to be cared for.

Doing some research about the book, I found that there are several instances of abuse or undertones of it. I will fully admit that I have never read the book myself and do not intend to. If I want erotica, I'll go to the professionals like A. N. Roquelaure (aka Anne Rice), Anaïs Nin, and other wonderful authors. But I digress...

Christian Grey begins stalking Ana and later admits to it, gets her drunk so she can't give consent, manipulates/intimidates her, becomes possessive, uses threatening language and eventually threatens her, has her sign a contract to not discuss what they do to anyone else, doesn't consider her lack of sexual knowledge and uses it against her, controls her body and eventually rapes her! Don't believe me? Check out this nugget of text. 
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No” – I protested, trying to kick him off. He stops. “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet together too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you. Keep quiet. Katherine is probably outside listening, right now”

Overall, I this book severely mangles what a proper, healthy connection with BDSM is. Don't read it, keep away from it unless it's for research on smut. 


If you want some homework to do, check out these sites on healthy/unhealthy BDSM relationships. 







For reviews on 50 Shades of Grey


Finally, a message to E L James.

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